{....my humps...my humps....}

my lovely lady lumps!.......(in my best Fergi-licous voice!)

(Disclaimer: this post might be considered by some... rated R for its subject matter)

K..so I betcha thought I disappeared from the face of the earth eh?...Not entirely! I really had a wonderful holiday vacation once I got outta here. (We went to Texas to be with family). 2008 was such a fast paced busy year...and I enjoyed it all...YOU all!!

Back to my humps...er... lumps...See while I was out for holiday I went to see my gyno (sorry for the dudes out there...but just keepin' it real). I had a lump in my humps and needed to have it checked out. Everything checked out okay up north ....sept...another lump...down south...on my thigh that was causing concern...so my Dr. referred me to another Dr. who scheduled a day surgery to extract my smallish lump.

So I go in for the surgery which they plan to do with me wide awake....I'm thinking...no biggie right?...I've birthed 2 children...I can handle a lil surgery. I get into the room and the sweet faced nurse instructs me to go ahead and remove my pants and lay on the table (which I do.....but gaw-lee...it was cold in there!) I am draped with only a paper sheet and angled so that the nice doc can have a good handle on it...(meaning my behind is sticking out and upward...and my legs are criss-crossed in a position that resembles a yoga position I cannnot pronounce). I'm balancing so as to stay on top of the table when all I really want to do is hide under it!

I can see the nurse very well...and she is pulling out a syringe and scalpel and other necessary instruments. Now...mind you, I'm not a fainter...in fact I'm not a gagger either...I am pretty tough stuff...but when I saw all the nurses' handy work...I thought I just might pass out... or.... throw up....OR BOTH!! I told her this would be a lot funner if she could gas me or something...to which she snickered...then exclaimed she was going to go and get the doctor now. 3 minutes (which passed in slow motion with the soundtrack up my thudding heartbeat in my throat) and they were both back...all smiles! LET"S Get This Party Started!!!!

I can do this.....I CAN do this....I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!....wait a minute...the doctor mentioned something about it being deeper than he thought and needing a different gauge or something to the nurse....in which she skips happily in Disney fashion over to the cabinets and retrieves another syringe and needle and begins to extract more lidocane...whew!! yes...I think...get as much of that stuff there as possible... I don't wanna feel a thing!....you know the bikini area can be a sensitive place huh ladies?!...... wait a minute... THAT NEW NEEDLE IS HUGE!!! It's like 3 inches long!! now I am seriously light headed....I can feel myself whoozing...my head is swimming....concentrate Dej.....you can do this!....you CAN DO THIS!.....look how skinny that needle is!!

And so I did....I focused on how skinny that needle was and I did not pass out! I'm not saying it didn't hurt...the first jab especially made me almost come up off that table....instead I stayed there and hissed a curse word at the doctor....NOT REALLY! I just made a timid little owch! sound and inhaled...and exhaled......and inhaled...and exhaled...and in....around 20 minutes later it was all over an I was allowed my pants...and my self dignity back.

My lovely lady lump turned out to be a tumor a bit larger than a golf ball once it was all out!! The good doctor is certain it's just a benin growth but has sent it off to pathology to be 100% sure.

Now....why...did I just share all of that? I dunno?...Okay... I do!...see...I allow myself ONE new years resolution every year....and I thought long and hard about it this time. One thing I noticed as I reviewed over my 2008 blogs (besides the fact that like 3 of my clients decided to become photographers themselves)....was that I was almost all business....not much play...I wondered why?...and so I searched deep and wide inside myself and found the answer....one lil powerful word.....FEAR. Fear of what...you might ask? Dunno that either... I suppose it could be a lot of things...Fear that someone might be offended of what I write....fear...that someone might not like it/me. Fear of some Internet predator idiot becoming obsessed ...Fear of living life wide open...all those and some more I suppose...

I used to blog more personal....here and another blog which no longer exists due to fear... I miss it...and so for my new years resolution....I choose to no longer live in fear.

2 Timothy 1:7...For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I hope that you will continue to peek into my world via my blog and will be inspired somehow.